If it's Friday, then last night's clothes smell like the bar. Riding the scooter downtown last night was certainly a rush - at 35 degrees, brisk and making me feel alive. Good turnout at the bar - nothing too scandalous. Spotted at one point or another: Waremouse, Paul, Jimbo, lots of the usual specimens. Some vaporized without a trace, some went home to watch Prince on Leno, some went on to the Eagle. Sad moment of the night: there was a handsome young fellow walking by me, I heard this "thwak", and realized some douchebag had punched him on the side of the head - what the fuck? That was worse than last week, when some hair-gelled bitch snaked my homeward cab (and it was COLD last week). Drunk people are starting to test my patience.

The never ending battle between saints and sinners continues. The beauty of decay, a doha to get me through the day. Pretzels, anyone? I am tongue tied.

Busy times ahead. Blowoff in Charlottesville tonight, which means I'll be up until 5 AM. Blowoff tomorrow in DC, another late night. Sunday is chill time. Monday and Tuesday, back into the studio for more work on "Body Of Song" - which, at this point, may never get finished! Kidding - I'm trying to find the vibe, and ride it to the finish line.

Off to a lecture and book signing today at the library. If there's any other 5w4 types attending, well, I'm sure we'll spot each other.

Am I the only one who is totally creeped out by the Halliburton TV ad campaign? The one about "building bridges and schools, but the best part is feeding the troops gold old American food" is particularly disturbing. Everything seems so "Big Brother" these days, I'm starting to lose my ability to discern....the Kerry / Fonda photo....CNN shows a real murder on TV, then the pundits discuss whether or not it should be shown on TV....7 trillion dollar deficit....WTF?

A respectful article. Look at that photo, look at that neck. From Dave's site last Saturday, in reference to Kurt Angle:

--This is from USA Today's 10 toughest athletes: 10. Julie Krone (jockey); 9. Shaquille O'Neal; 8. Tiger Woods; 7. Annika Sorenstam; 6. Scott Stevens; 5. Ray Lewis; 4. Lance Armstrong; 3. Steve McNair; 2. Allen Iverson; 1. Brett Favre. Okay, I'm sure they are all mentally tough, but how many of them beat Kerry McCoy to win a national wrestling championship the day after breaking his neck; or, against all rational thought, had a ****1/2 match after a second broken neck without being able to lift one arm above the shoulder, and with part of his hand and fingers numb? Of course, they'd be made fun of if they did list a pro wrestler.

The collective eye is squarely trained on gay marriage, and more importantly, the recurring desire of this administration to vivisect the Constitution. I'm glad to see this large national debate taking place. With gay marriage, I suspected it was coming - here it is, right on time. The strange thing is, I feel as if the whole country agrees with me. Maybe it's because I look to my fellow bloggers, the liberal media, and friends and neighbors for dialogue and exposition.

I find myself living in this idyllic world - a world where frozen appletinis, protein shakes, laser hair removal, and 2xist underwear all reside happily under one roof. A world where friends gather round a large fountain, where the spokes converge, comparing notes on music and art, love and sex, dating and where to brunch, condo values and P-Town shares.

I wonder how the rest of the world really feels about gay marriage and Constitutional desecration. I need to start calling all the people who don't live in my idyllic world, and let them know that these issues are important to them as well, to their children, to the forward momentum that is true progress in America. I need to frame the dialogue in a way that doesn't threaten their worlds, but shows how it might enhance the value of the collective community.

You know, "the gays" are famous for fixing up the most run down inner city neighborhoods, and once people see how beautiful those neglected areas can be, they move in with us. Now, it's time to rehab the entire country.

Ralph Don't Run. Thanks to sugartothebone.

Yet another fabulously plain weekend here in DC - and I mean that in the best way possible. I've been going out more in the past month than in the previous 15 years, and have been making lots of interesting new friends. I feel like I'm hitting some sort of stride in DC - being comfortable with who I am and what I do (which are often very different things), and reconciling the fact that I am also allowed to be silly, stupid, irreverent, etc. - in other words, a human being.

Wednesday was Cobalt and Sushi Taro with two friends. One of the two was absolutely astonished at the amount of food we ordered, and lamented last night about having had a stomach ache from eating too much. Me, I went home after dinner and had another meal before turning in.

Thursday was Green Lantern. Shirtless night is always a fun time; holding up my magic mirror, I see Paul, and Jimbo, and Neil, and Joe, and about 100 other guys I always see in the neighborhood. Met a few folks I'd recognized from Saturdays, and also some folks from my Birchmere show in January.

Friday was Windows happy hour with the gang, Luna for dinner with the guys, and L'Enfant for late night commiseration with Waremouse. Cold coffee, White Russians, don't try to play me, I'm the real thing, my heart is on display, men are pigs, except for the pure one. NP: Dax Raiders, Legowelt, Man Keeps Winning by Blowoff.

Saturday was Blowoff. A good turnout, though it seemed sort of quiet compared to the past three weeks. All the usual suspects, and some new faces as well. More smokers than usual, which did nothing to help with my recovery from this cold. Great sets all night, with just a hint of controversy; fortunately, it did not revolve around me, which has typically been the case on Saturday night. Not drama, mind you; there's a difference.

Sunday, I was fortunate to be invited to a lovely Sex And The City Final Episode party. An exquisite home, meeting lots of new people, and Carrie and Big (John, we now know) end up together. The episode was very US TV-friendly, and I loved it. (I feel my skepticism fading away...) All's well that ends well. Except for the woman who allowed me to feed her baby all those Smarties at 9:30 PM! Wonton soup, a carnation, some rats, a peck on the cold-riddled cheek, and I'm home in 3 minutes. The eyes don't lie.

One of the greatest things in my life right now is the (re)discovery of other homos who were in the indie music scene in the 1980's; I've spoken about this before in the press. A lot of these guys were in fraternities in college, hanging out at punk rock clubs, in bands of their own. In the hardcore punk / indie rock scene, there was always a high number of homos - it seemed like the policy at the time was "don't advertise, don't worry". Now, we're in our prime years, fully and comfortably out. For me, it's been great to reconnect with these guys, in a completely different setting and context. It reaffirms the notion that certain things in life come full circle; I try to be aware.

POLITICAL MOMENT: The two major political parties in this country could hardly be further apart at this point in history. Voting for him is a waste of time. Campaigning for him is a waste of energy. Trying to convince me that he makes one bit of difference, in the world political landscape as it appears in 2004, is a waste of breath.

Thanks for all the kind words regarding the first 3 installments of "Transformer". I'm happy to hear from people who have had similar results with comparable plans of attack. The one thing I sometimes take for granted is the flexibility of my schedule - working mainly at home allows me to keep a tight grip on my intake and exercise. When I'm traveling, it tends to fall apart rather quickly; I'm sympathetic to those who have much more demanding lives than yours truly.

I've been joking with friends lately about wanting to develop "Stray Eye For The Queer Guy"; the short version, straight guys who are bi-curious, and the situations that taunt them into satisfying their curiosities. PJ sent me to this article, outlining a new show which starts next Monday on Comedy Central. We live in strange times.

The visual redesign is underway. As much as I've grown used to the orange Blogspot default, it's time to get real with it. I'm aiming to get the new look up and running in about 2 weeks.

Blowoff again this Saturday - as always. Also, my bud Blaine has his Sunday Mass event later that night / early the next morning.



It's looking to be an excellent weather day today. I'm outta here.

In order to run the engine harder than usual, you need to give it the proper fuel. I've been through many different ways of eating in the first 43 years of my life; when I go back and match up the mental and physical health of each era, it tells me that this may be the most important thing you can do for yourself - tuning the diet.

I've gone from a meat and potatoes childhood, to a heavy alcohol, drugs, and fast food phase, to sober pesco-vegetarianism, to my current routine. As it stands now, my intake falls somewhere along the lines of the Atkins principle, but much closer to the Neanderthin plan (Paleolithic diet). I eat several times a day, under the notion that I should never let myself become overly hungry. My general intake is as follows:

Meal 1 (within 5 minutes of waking)
Oatmeal, raisins, flax oil, natural sweeteners
Coffee, black
This meal is heavy on carbs, since I will be active all morning, and preparing to work out.

Workout
1 of 3 routines, add cardio and abs

Meal 2 (within 15 minutes of workout)
Large meal: heavy protein, fat, some carbs
Example: 4 eggs, 6-8 oz. lean meat, pancakes, grains
This is the meal of the day where anything goes. The body is primed to absorb and assimilate everything that gets put in, to repair muscles; I view this as the most important meal of my day.

Meal 3 (3 hours later)
Small meal: salads, vegetables, fruit, some protein (tuna, chicken)
Something to tide me over until dinner.

Workout (optional)
Even if it's a brisk walk to the store and back, something to shake the late afternoon blahs. In countries outside the US, this is the time of day when most people walk home from work, to the train, grocery store, etc. - something that is not encouraged in American life.

Meal 4 (evening)
Heavy on protein, light on carbs
The physical portion of the day is essentially over, so if one isn't burning the carbs, they will store themselves as reserve energy, in the form of BODY FAT.

My personal bullet points:

Avoid most white foods. They have been processed beyond nutritional recognition. They are no good for anyone. Sugar, white bread, potatoes - not so good.

Avoid fried foods. Fat is flavor, but many oils used for frying contain nothing healthy.

Don't obsess over portion sizes. If you never let yourself get hungry, you won't need to eat as much (at once), but will likely end up eating more each day - spread out, to make the body run more effectively. Don't starve yourself, don't let yourself get the growling stomach.

Water, water, water. Our bodies can easily confuse hunger and dehydration. If you sense a hunger, go for the water first. Wait a few minutes, and if that doesn't do it, eat.

Protein, protein, protein. Makes the engine (and the metabolism) burn much faster. I will eat protein late at night (chicken breasts, for example), and it burns up more calories while I'm sleeping. I do not recommend this for everyone - but it works for me. People who are more obsessed than I will wake themselves up in the middle of the night for a protein shake. I'm not a competitive bodybuilder, so I don't do this!

Keep an eye on fats, which is different from avoid fats. Fats help transport protein into muscle tissue, so it's necessary for building the body up - particularly after a workout. If you're stripping the body down, err on the side of less fat.

Eat carbs earlier in the day. My cutoff for carbs is Meal 3.

Spend the bucks for a proper scale. Use it first thing every morning when you wake, and as you're ready for bed. You WILL see what happens when you binge on a pint of ice cream. You WILL see what happens when you strip away the bread and potatoes. Guaranteed. It will give you the proof that will make you appreciate the work you're doing to improve your body.

Later, I'll get into my specific workouts; how I break them into routines, how I rotate them, and what has worked for me.

I woke up this morning with a song stuck in my head - thought I'd share it with you.

I'll be back with Transformer, Part 3 tomorrow.

So there's a new episode of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy tonight. I think it's sort of redundant at this point, the mission has been accomplished. My queer eye completely passes over the well-groomed and finely threaded, the manicured and pedicured, the waxed and shaved; I know they're really straight. When Mr. Simpson made this spot-on observation, how many of us truly thought it would propagate like kudzu in the Georgia mud? The prototypical DC gay male looks so straight right now - was that the point of all this? I'm not judging or complaining, or getting hung up on looks. I'm just saying, it's almost like androgyny was to glam rock: this is the look that will get me laid, or a better job, or whatever's third on the minds of Guppies. Maybe I'm missing the point that it shouldn't matter, and we're all the same. If so, the show should have been cancelled by now - or, at the least, given a different name.

Do you need this?

If you liked the badgers, check out the whole series.

This makes strange but beautiful art.

And more art: if you were a Kitchens Of Distinction fan, here's what Patrick is doing these days. This series is quite interesting.

Gay weddings! I'm starting to rethink my stance on the language: civil union or gay marriage. Mr. Sullivan makes an interesting case for "the act" to be referred to as gay marriage. I generally see the use of those two words together as a way to fuel the conservative hate and fear, and create a polarized environment. Now, I'm rethinking the use of the term "civil union"; does it imply a lesser relationship?

A movie worth seeing.

An artist worth investigating.

Another neighborhood blog worth reading.

A fun night at the club - the crowd size was back to normal, after last week's overflow turnout. It was the perfect capper to a busy, emotionally charged 3 days; certain holidays carry strong meaning and memory, and VDay is one of those for me. Yeah, it's generally a holiday designed to sell cards and chocolate, but the romantic in me still reflects on VDays past. The constant bombardment of love stories in the media this past week stirs up those feelings, whether I like it or not. I digress - which is an old folks' term for I blog.

An old friend attended the show in Chicago, and made the observation that I've never seemed simultaneously happier (at the blog) and more detached (from performing). I would agree, but only to a point. Looking back, Thursday was a lot for me to consider: whether I liked it or not, I felt a door closing on parts of my old life; simultaneously, the rush of sensing another door opening, and my willingness to run to the light, was exhilarating. Friday was a day spent buying tons of music by bands and artists I'd read about all month. The simple act of spending all afternoon in record shops took me back toward that place in my life where art and music are the things worth living and dying for, where keeping score doesn't matter, what people think doesn't matter, where the passion for new ideas and friends takes center stage, where change is good. Saturday was VDay, phone calls with a few loved ones, and the better part of the day in the airport system (how typical); returning home, spending hours rifling through the new music, preparing for the night's festivities, and time spent celebrating life and love and music with my friends.

It's strange - I feel the past fading away, faster every day. I have been waiting for that feeling to take hold for a long time.

A happy Valetine's Day weekend wish to everyone: I hope you all have your heart trained on someone special, and if you do, be sure to let them know how you feel. What's the worst that can happen? Life is too short - take a chance! You might end up pleasantly surprised.

Last night's performance in Chicago was OK. For some reason, I've been susceptible to distraction, and this was another one of those nights. I also had a nagging hunger for the second half of the show, which is not uncommon - I think it might have been temperature-related hunger, it's a good bit colder in Chicago than it is in DC. That hunger was sated later, with a good gathering of old friends.

The civil union / gay marriage issue is really starting to catch fire. I had suspected that this would be a big topic during this election year, and I'm thrilled to see that people are willing to share their thoughts and opinions - this is what will ultimately shape the direction of the country.

The closest comparison I can make is in the 1980's, when Act Up made extreme gestures, as a way to draw attention to the growing AIDS crisis. At that time, I was uncertain as to whether I thought the approach used by Act Up was best; this time, I believe anything and everything is fair game - it's the only way to get this regime to listen.

Love, love, love. All you need is love. Love is all you need.

"Let's not go there." - Colin Powell, February 11, 2004

I think that's what a lot of Americans were saying - LAST MARCH!

Off to Chicago today, it should be a fun time. Started messing around with Dreamweaver MX 2004 last night, it's a pretty cool program. I don't know much about web design, so this app is good for me - bouncing WYSIWYG and code, I can see how things work. We'll see if I've got time to learn yet another pro level app.

Badgers are so cute. I think I have OCD now.

I've been getting lots of positive feedback from yesterday's post - and lots of letters with questions. I'll continue on with Part 3 next week.

Thanks, man. Soon, I'll be able to say "Yeah, I knew him before he got so famous".

Coffee time....swoon. It's almost Saturday. Got to pack now.

It's March of 1999. I'm 38 years old, and I look and feel at least 45. I'm getting more and more depressed. I hate the image I see in the mirror. I had let myself go to waste. I had been traveling for 3 months, eating poorly every day, staying up late. Performing was the only physical activity I was getting; the lack of long daily walks and bike rides around Manhattan was messing with my mental health, and my body was getting soft. I decided to join a gym.

In NYC, there is a health club chain named Crunch. You've probably seen or heard of it; for the past few years, whenever a gym was mentioned in a NYC-based TV series or movie, it more often than not was Crunch. Bright colors, innovative classes, good branding - they were the gold standard in NYC gym chains. I went in, inquired about membership, was given "the tour", and decided on the spot to join. I had to do something to stop the downward slide.

With some gym memberships come a complimentary trainer session. My trainer's name was Jervis Williams. Jervis was maybe 5' 10", and I would guess about 225. He had a great disposition, was a competitive bodybuilder, and also a vegetarian. (At the time, I wasn't eating meat.) That one session was the most important part of joining the gym: having someone explain the machines, and the general ideas behind working out. Had I not taken advantage of that session, I likely would have hurt myself seriously, become frustrated with not knowing what to do, or plain stopped going.

My first few months was all about weight loss, and some simple lifting exercises. I spent at least 30 minutes a day on what is known as an elliptical trainer. It's a motion device which combines cross-country ski motions with stair stepping, a little like jogging as well. The selling point of elliptical trainers is the reduction of impact on joints. That machine alone, 6 days a week, caused me to drop from 220 to 170. No joke. 50 pounds in 12 weeks. I had tightened up my diet a little bit, but nothing major - still eating dairy and sweets, but in far lesser portions. I mixed up my workout every day, using some light free weights, but mainly resistance-based machines, where the range of motion is controlled, and the possibility of injury from poor form is lessened.

Once the weight was off, it was time to start building the healthier body up. I went back to Jervis, and started training at least once a week. This is where the breakthroughs really began: the theories of bodybuilding, combined with proper nutrition, and the discipline to stay the course. I could go into great detail about my particular routines, but that's not the real point of all of this.

If you are thinking of making the commitment to health, and you have either been sedentary for years, or never an athletic type, you need help. Join a gym, and get a trainer. You need someone to explain all of the details to you. There are many different ways to approach this, and they will yield different results. You need to form a mental picture of what you would like to be, how much time and effort you're willing to give up to get there, and get with a trainer you can trust. You're handing your body over to them, and trusting that they will help and take care of you when you're at the gym.

There are many different body types, we are all genetically predisposed to look a certain way. By nature, I would say women are more aware of this. Some of us will never have a swimmer's build, some of us can never bulk up. A trainer will be able to design a routine that will get you looking the best you can look for your body type. Ideally, they will also have some formal training in nutrition. Dieting alone is one thing, but I try to view the process as turning the body into a machine. You put in fuel, and the machine runs.

Over the next few weeks, I'll get more specific with my own routines and diet changes. I'll also get into the mental components: looking in the mirror, and what you see in your reflection; opening the cupboards and refrigerator, and what you think about when you reach for fuel.

From spending so much time on personal correspondence today, I am having trouble finding the time to get to Transformer Part Deux. Please be patient, I will suck it up here later this PM, and get to the grindstone.

In the meantime: if you've got a few minutes, please read these words. Yesterday, I got so choked up by all this stuff - I am so blessed to have such wonderful buds around me - making this long-ass Winter so much more tolerable. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing.

Another fun night last night. I need more sleep.

"Containment doesn't work with a man who is a madman." - George W. Bush, February 8, 2004.

How you would have felt if you were on this flight?

Last Saturday night was the biggest turnout ever at Backbar. I would attribute the large crowd to at least two unique events: a friend of Blowoff e-vited 80 of his friends to join him for a night of celebrating, and it seems at least 40 responded; the Blade article also brought many new faces to the club. The weather wasn't too bad, either. Everyone seemed to commingle fairly well, and there were some very humorous happenings toward the end of the night. Shirtless knows no boundaries, I guess.

The combination of Saturday's success, and lots of high quality time with friends the past 3 days, has put me in an excellent place this morning. Sometimes, when things are falling around me, I don't have the patience (or foresight) to sense they might be falling into place.

This is so cute. I love the penguins at Central Park Zoo.

Pretty funny stuff.

Chuck and Tito are finally going at it. I think I'll have to see this in person.

Getting ready to head to work. Had such a good time with friends last night, I don't know if I can top it - but I'll try.

Special thanks to Newstoday for the kind words, and the redirect (and heavy traffic) to this site.

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Yesterday, WDC caught a short break from the winter, only to be iced down later last night. Hit the gym twice (fucking sore all the time, and loving it), a long coffee date, some music work, then more manly socializing with Waremouse, dan_dc, and many other neighborhood buds at the Green Lantern. A good turnout - the usual assortment of eye candy, future ex-boyfriends, dogs off their leashes, blah blah free beer homo talk and gawk. Crawling and sliding home a little later than usual, I found this e-mail - from a very dear friend - waiting for me.

Bob,
I just finished reading the NYTIMES article "Bush Expected to Endorse Amendment Defining Marriage."
I was stunned. Actually, I got nauseas first. After that passed, I realized I was stunned.
This rhetoric which Bush is using to add a discriminatory amendment to the Constitution - "If judges insist on forcing their arbitrary will upon the people, the only alternative left to the people would be the constitutional process." - assumes that the rest of us will sit idly by and not express OUR VIEWS on this topic.
The Constitution was never intended to be a platform for DENYING PEOPLE THEIR RIGHTS!
Can the power of the BLOG network formulate some sort of strategy where we can flood Capitol Hill with e-mails urging politicians to vote AGAINST BUSH'S so-called "SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE" AMENDMENT?
This proposed amendment will make a [further] mockery of the Bill of Rights! Have you seen what it is intended to entail? The wording of the amendment is also alleged to include verbage which would make domestic partnerships and civil unions null and void as well.
In addition it would take away a person's right to be at their partner's side if they are hospitalized as the partner will NOT be recognized as a "family member."
It will apparently also take away health benefits for people who are covered by their partner's insurance policy.
I can't believe this is actually happening. I can't. Bush thinks this issue will galvanize conservative voters, but I'd like to think it would also motivate anyone who refuses to live in a fascist state to get their asses to the polls.
How does one launch a counter-campaign?
HELP!
Love, ****
-ps- Great seeing you today. You look FANTASTIC!

I can't vouch for the accuracy of the observations, but I've got a few calls out this morning to some friends who can help clarify the ramifications of this amendment. The reason I'm posting this letter: can you feel what he feels? What I feel? What we should all be feeling?

A well-delivered piece from The 24th Frame, expanding on my blurt about gay marriage.

If you're at all concerned about the developments, here's something you can do - takes you less than 30 seconds.

I knew this was coming for a couple of years, but here it is.

Thanks to Seamus for jogging my slowly-slipping memory, as it relates to 1984 politics, and the origin of the term "SF Democrat". Keep an eye out for the certain revival of this slur, or the creation of something comparable, in the next few weeks.

Getting a lot of mail about this morning's blurt. I know I painted all Republicans with a fresh coat of Buchanan, and that wasn't my intent. I was astonished, though, at the difference in elocution between he and Barney Frank. It's stunning - the Republicans are starting to scramble, and it always seems that in those moments, the wackos close to the party start grabbing the media bait - and make complete asses of themselves.

What are you doing Saturday night?

Oh, I'm probably going to Blowoff.

How'd you hear about that?

Duh - I knew you were cute, but can't you read?

Listening to Barney Frank and Pat Buchanan discuss the subject of gay marriage on the Today Show this morning is really bringing home the point of difference that we have arrived at in 2004. Frank's direct, educated, procedural dialogue versus Buchanan's colorful prognostications of decadence, bias and fear.

I lived through a similar discussion once before in my life, and it was in 1984. The Republicans, without fail, claim to represent all of America, upholding the piety of religion and morality. By using scare tactics, divisive imagery, and playing upon deep-seated Puritanical fears and stigmas that still exist in the furthest recesses of White Non-Urban Americans, the Right becomes the Party Of God - their God, not our Gods. The Reagan administration, through the stigmatizing and discarding of AIDS sufferers, set our country back many years, and cost thousands of lives, and the associated pain to those who had compassion, who cared and tended and concerned themselves with the suffering.

I will not be silent this time around. I may not subscribe to the Massachusetts ruling in full, but if civil union (or gay marriage, if we choose) is the single moral issue upon which this election will turn, I must, as a homosexual, do everything I can to support the Democratic party. So far, it is the issue that will have the greatest impact on the rest of my life, how I plan for my future, and the future of my friends and neighbors.

I knew this was going to happen; history repeats itself. If there is a God somewhere, and he's watching and listening: look what happened 20 years ago. Don't let your foolish mortal children travel the wrong road again. No more for the Republicans - take your profits and go away. Leave the rest of us to rebuild what you've destroyed.

You could be here, or you could be there.

For the majority of my life, I have been a person who has had body issues - revolving around weight and self-image. I was a heavy kid; not obese, but always wearing an extra layer on the bones. Seeing as I was born and raised in one of the coldest areas of the United States at the time, it was probably to my advantage.



The first time I experienced a drastic body change was when I was 18 - leaving home, moving to (the not much warmer) Minnesota for school, and a major lifestyle change - heavier drinking, drugging, and the worst of all: the beginning of smoking cigarettes. My father was a heavy smoker until he was 70, and I have no idea why I went to tobacco, other than "it looked cool". The whole punk rock thing, rebellion, all that stuff - that's all I can fathom, in hindsight. I went from 220 to 160 pounds in 6 months - and did not look healthier for it. Rapid weight loss is rarely flattering, and is not good for the body; when all that padding disappears, the body has to readjust quickly, and it's awkward and uncomfortable. I looked different, walked different, felt different. I had no muscle tone; I was skinny as a rail.

The weight stayed off until I was 24, when I was (dubiously) diagnosed with asthma. I've had various animal dander allergies forever, and was having serious troubles with breathing, so the doctors decided steroidal treatments and ventilators would be best. My weight ballooned back to 220; puffy face, still drinking heavily, I was not looking good. I also stopped eating meat at this point, thinking that it might help with the breathing issues.

The next shift came at the age of 27. I had stopped drinking at 25, and had (temporarily) stopped the constant travel / no sleep / poor eating routine. Over the course of 18 months, I drifted slowly from 220 toward 170, adding in light exercise (walking, jumping jacks, situps). By the time I was 29, and living NYC, I was very lean, but again, no muscle mass or tone - just skinny and gaunt.

I went up and down a little, until quitting smoking at 37. The beginning of the long battle began at this point. Tobacco is the great suppressor of emotion and appetite, and without that drug, the 6-month rollercoaster ride began. Each night, around 7 PM, I would leave the apartment, and walk for at least 2 hours, full speed, up and down the east side of Manhattan, through Central Park, anywhere I could have a lot of sidewalk and fresh air. This was my way of keeping from driving the people around me insane, and was great exercise.

The next summer, while recording in San Antonio, I succumbed to late night Mexican fast food for 9 straight weeks. Gee, guess what happened? That's right, sit at a console all day, eat 50,000 calories at night, then sleep. Gain 50 pounds. Then, go on tour for 3 months. Eat chocolate all day to fight off depression and boredom. Smoke lots of marijuana, too. Back to 220.

It's March of 1999. I'm 38 years old, and I look and feel at least 45. I'm getting more and more depressed. I hate the image I see in the mirror.

Argh - it's happening again. Consolation: I get an unexpected lunch date out of the deal.

This is an interesting offer.

The predictable answer to yesterday's now-stupid question (stunt or accident).

Morel is all talking about sex and relationships again.

A fun dinner last night with Waremouse and friends, including dan_dc. Lots of talk about politics, movies, and men. At one point, the conversation landed on high school PE teachers - we all had them, and they definitely shape a young man's outlook on, well, certain things. I had two that came to mind. One was my JV basketball coach, a handsome Irish guy with premature salt and pepper hair, blue eyes, and a nice solid build. I still have a weakness for that type. The second was my swim coach, blond, stocky, wire rimmed glasses, balding. At that moment, I looked at one of the guys going off about his gym teachers, and realized HE looked way too much like my swim coach.

I'll be watching the primary results tonight. I like all the numbers and graphics and everything. It's so colorful and easy to digest.

Hello Kitty is 30. Somebody buy me one of these. I will love you for it.

Did you know that Wonkette is considered by some to be the WDC equivalent of NYC's Gawker? I did, and even before last night. Pogo on, amc - but don't be spilling that wine on the carpeting.

OK - I promise, I'll start on the workout / diet / self-improvement pieces later today. I'll get the first installment up tomorrow morning. I woke up this morning thinking about it while hobbling to the toilet - heavy legs kicked my ASS last night.

Who cares if JT says the rippage was an accident? Doesn't matter - it happened. Although, the right side photo on Drudge shows the face of a young man who realized he had PEAKED, and his life will likely go downhill from here. JJ had a freakin' pasty on - think about it for a second. Stunt or accident? I say stunt - without hesitation. It runs in the family.

Last Saturday's Blowoff was magnificent. It couldn't have been better (well, at least within the boundaries of human decency). Special thanks to Marc and Shawn for bringing the cake and decorations, it was like a big kids' birthday party or sumthin'! Lots of dancing, socializing, and I'm glad to see the Blowoff RideShare program is becoming a big success...more on that some other time. I must say, the DJ's threw down some of the tightest sets yet - even with yours truly having a bit of a panic attack at the beginning of my second set. One of my two main work CD's had all the WRONG songs on it, sending me into a very brief (and unnecessary) mini-freakout. All was well, though: the beat goes on. Glad you all like the new look, too - it's a keeper for now. (Not quite Steve Reeves, but it'll work.)

Sunday found me getting caught up with an old friend over brunch, a current friend over coffee, and a new friend over dinner. Today, back to the self-abuse I call "two-a-days" at the gym. I'm eating 5 times a day, and sleeping like a bear.

The President is looking frayed. The long thread will be found, and once the media pulls on it, the entire charade will unravel. The Democratic Party needs to get together after Tuesday night, pick a front runner, and present a united front. We never saw dissent (until now) inside the Republican Party, and that's why they were so effective. They stood behind the boss - and the Dems needs to learn from that example.

More later - must go beat myself up.